wakey wakey hands off snakey
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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