I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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