I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
