youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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