YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
