he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont even know how to be here
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
