you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
