he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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