I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How's work?
Spinning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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