You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
