my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
