what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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