you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You ruined the universe
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
