I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
