We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
