I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
