the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
