Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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