my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
