she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
