she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
