Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
