Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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