Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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