Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
