final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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