you have to choose: penises or morals?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
