This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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