So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
