The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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