do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
