He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
