the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
