I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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