so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
