you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
should my penis look like a turkey
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
