The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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