I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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