Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
