ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
