you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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