grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
