like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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