R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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