Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
