i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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