Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
