Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
