So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
