We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've blown a few things in my day
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
