Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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